Cola Warrior 5 – West Was Harder



Cola Warrior 5 was run the last two weekends of May 2015, at the FEMA Camp outside Liberty, MS. For those who don’t know what Cola Warrior is, the tl;dr is obstacle, AK/peep, run, shoot, chug. Also for those who don’t know what Cola Warrior is, good on you for making it this far in the blog post after watching that emesis introduction. This was the fifth annual event in Liberty. I ran at CWWest a couple months earlier in Kingman AZ, and placed well enough to get invited to CW5.

I sponsored a custom target and a prize, and had some steel to deliver to customers also attending the event. Turns out steel is heavy, and doesn’t pack well in airline luggage. So, four days of solo driving and 2,100 miles later, I arrived in the swamp late Thursday as the event kicked off.

I was welcomed with open arms, it helps to bring steel targets and beer to salve wounded spirits and bodies after the runs.

The kid as cover for his cyborg structure is a nice touch.
You’d hardly believe that this chill looking dude is actually into soul crippling S&M.
It turned out spray plastidip didn't come off quite as well as they hoped.
The locals took a shine to me quickly, and absconded with my sign.

Without further ado, let’s run through the course.

The ninja rolls over this were awesome. The failed runs were even better. #pistoldidit
Obstacle one: clear the unstable vert bar four times in a row. A decent number of people were able to do this. I wasn’t one of them.
No putting your belt over the top.  #summitclub
Obstacle two: hand over hand on the edge of a 20′ conex, there and back (40′), and then over the top. 11 of 77 competitors were able to do this. I was not one of them.
Turns out a broken hand doesn't make this easier. :/
Obstacle three- Next, hand stand along the 20′ conex, a 25lb barbell in each hand. A fair number were able to do this, I was not one of them.
Obstacle four- Starting with hands in the rings and the right side, work your way to the middle, shimmy up, transition to the bar, hit the far left post, then come back and reverse the process until you can hit the far right post. A fair number got this. I *was* one of them.
#pyramidpals got to see the MOA logo while they succeeded.
Obstacle five – Simply lift the 150 lb tire up, and casually toss it up and over the 6′ or so wall. No biggy. 12 of 77 competitors accomplished this one. I was not one of them.

This was possibly the most amusing of the various ways people failed to accomplish the tire toss. While it made for great photo ops, I worry that putting the MOA logo there may lead to lost sales. Few want to see that logo ever again after having their body and soul crushed by that tire.

Three runners, including the cyborg who started it all, were able to do all the obstacles. Three. That’s insane.

29 of the 77 runners failed every obstacle, and a new hashtag was born.


Now the real fun begins. Field strip the AK, while eating a package of peeps. Peeps lead to hate. Hate leads to anger. Anger leads to AK in the trashcan.

Note the MOA targets set up to the left. I'm special, ya'll, and forgot to put them in any good pictures.
CWARs. CWARs everywhere. And the prereq trashcan AK, of course.
A total of six women ran, the highest placed 13th overall. Don't fuck with Colaettes.
Pakitape is most halal.
See what I did there?
Some people take to peeps better than others, and blitz through them.

A leisurely peep fueled 1/2 mile run down the muddy roads winds up the last of major physical torture. Thankfully, the run is mostly flat or down hill. I suspect with extra rain, it would be hell, but we lucked out on weather to some extent. It didn’t rain any more in the four days I was there than we get in a typical year in Nevada.

MOA's future Ms. June
Now we shoot! Rocking the CWock with the ALG 6-Second Mount, TR-1, and extended mag, this overly happy lady blasted through the targets.
All ARs all the time, it seemed.
MOAR! Rifle targets from 50 to 300m, with a custom MOA FEMABOT at the center. The FEMABOT was a full size IPSC M equivalent, and ended up being the reference point for all the rifle targets at the far end of the mud bog / range.

Keep an eye on MOA’s site, Fantasy Monster category, for the FEMABOT to be listed for your own shooting pleasure.

I totally didn't shoot it myself. I may have bribed a kid to do so though...
Homemade mild steel peep, which worked as an awesome advertisement for MOA’s AR500 hardened steel targets. Thankfully, I had brought out a replacement sabertooth peep from Cola Warrior West.

And with that, there was nothing left to do but chug, and puke.

This is how a winner pukes, folks. With a time of 11:07, arfcom’s Kaik managed a come from behind to win. He gets an asterisk for having run twice, a week apart, but he earned it, and showed he had what it took to take home the title.

So much MOA branding in one image. Hurray!
So much privilege!

After that, it was time for more food (which there was tons of, in huge variety, and it was awesome) and to announce placements and prizes. Make sure you scroll down to check out the sponsor list, it’s pretty amazing.

Prizes aren't why we go to Cola Warrior, but they're awful nice to have when you're recuperating. Much of the prize package gets added to the competitors daily use gear.
SWAG! Pretty much everyone took home a pile like this. It even includes a Geissele SSA-E!
FEMABOT knows where you live, and is in league with the NSA. Shoot to neutralize.
MOA got in on the prize giving out madness. Another FEMABOT, this one pistol rated. Given to the competitor who left the most pistol targets unmolested. Get out there and practice, yo.

Overall, this event was much, much tougher overall than Cola Warrior West (my only other experience). The obstacles is what killed it, and ironically, that made it easier overall for me. As I was only able to complete one obstacle, and had to skip one entirely due to a broken hand, I was in way better shape going to the AK and peeps than I was at West. My West time, sans penalties, was 31:48. Here, sans penalties, 22:54 for a 19th place finish. Top time here was an insane 11:07 (RustedAce, the guy who started it, was 8:07, which is nuts). Top time at West was pushing 15 minutes, and the runner who did that has been competitive in every CW event he’s been in. We apparently broke him at West, he was unable to make CW5. West was harder, but CW5 was a different level of challenge entirely.

Note the insane low time for the first runner. Note the penalties on everyone else.

Thanks again to everyone for making me welcome. It was a hell of a long drive, but it was worth every mile. I’m going to try to hit CWE3 in September/October in VA. I’ll be sure to make CWSE and CWTX next year. And, don’t forget I’m hosting CWWII in Reno, NV the first weekend of April 2016. Send me your ringers, your runners, your pyramid pals. Kaik can come if he helps West’s Dirty Inky cook, I suppose.

There's now an MOA logo right under the Geissele. Kickass!
The gang’s all here.


And finally, thank you to the sponsors who help take the pain away.

Business type Cola Warrior Sponsors
MOA Targets – NVGeologist (hey that’s me!)
ADW Custom Knives – DamascusKnifemaker – custom badass blade
Corporate Sponsors
Geissele / ALG Defense triggers, rails and so much swag
TNVCESSTAC – old is new school gear
AIM Surplus 

2A Arms – Balios Lite receiver set and 12″ MLOK BL rail.

Arson Machine

Arisaka Defense

Forward Control Design

Blue Panda Arms – Cerakote job for most ink visible immediately after their run

Nightlong Industries

American Kami – Ti sporks, maybe a blade

Dynamik Blades – something sharp

SLR Rifleworks

SKD Tactical

Ballistic Advantage


ODIN Works





Beer, it's not just for breakfast.
Beer yoga is best yoga.