Demilitarization Protective Ensemble (DPE) – Level B Protective Suit

Demilitarization Protective Ensemble (DPE) – Apocalypse Chic, Ready to Rock!

Gear up for the end of the world—or just a really intense paintball match—with our Demilitarization Protective Ensemble (DPE)! Once the pride of Pine Bluff Chemical Agent Disposal Facility and other disposal sites, these bad boys have been surplused out due to shelf life considerations and are now ready to keep you safe from rogue squirrels, rogue BB pellets, or that rogue splash of barbecue sauce at your next cookout.

Why You Need This Suit:
Tougher Than Your Grandma’s Fruitcake: Designed to keep you alive in an environment where “oops” is usually followed by the final scene in Raiders of the Lost Arc, these suits laugh in the face of spills, splashes, and questionable life choices. Double bag date? No sir, you can SEAL YOURSELF INSIDE THIS SUCKER and be safety from even Mary Jane Rotten Crotch.

Surplused out for a fraction of the new cost and a maximum of fun: All the high-tech protection, none of the “sign this NDA” hassle. Safe for civilians, cosplayers, and doomsday preppers alike! Acquisition cost on these was $724/ea, and they were designed for a single use. You don the suit through the back and shoulders, and it is heat sealed up behind you by your loyal squires (squires sold separately, check local laws before purchasing humans). Boots (also sold separately, and not by us) are donned over the built in boots, and similarly sealed. Ditto the gloves, which are again not included. Hope you remembered to put on your SCBA (not included, this is a trend) and plug in your external air supply line (might as well mention that’s not included.) Lots of things not included. The suit with built in gloves and boots IS included, that’s the product. It’s in the pictures.

Ventilation? Optional!: Feel the thrill of an authentic sauna experience while you fend off imaginary chemical attacks or wrestle with a particularly stubborn pickle jar.

One-Size-Fits-Most(ish): Size is XXL and is intended to fit over a SCBA. So much room for activities! Designed for the large soldier… or at least someone who’s roughly human-shaped. A guy on the internet said he uses a L or XL and is 5’11” 180 lbs. So these may require some padding unless you are 6’2″ and 235lb or so. On the other hand, a forgiving fit mean you’ll look like a post-apocalyptic action hero, no gym membership required.

Stylish Apocalypse Vibes: the plain white never goes out of style. Pair with combat boots and a scowl for that “I survived the fallout” aesthetic.

Perfect For:

Actual HAZWOPER training.

LARPing.

Movie props/costumes

Oversize Boris interior protective systems (Boris will not drop the gun, Boris will not comply)

Zombie-themed escape rooms (or actual zombie outbreaks, no judgment).

Extreme gardening (those thorns won’t know what hit ‘em).

Making your neighbors question your life choices.

Cola Wars.

Costume parties where you want to be the most prepared guest.

Disclaimer: Not guaranteed to protect against alien invasions, existential dread, or your mother-in-law’s cooking. May cause excessive swagger and an urge to narrate your life like a gritty action movie. Expired, so no actual chemical warfare use—unless your use case is an office environment where the primary constituent of concern is a coworker with poor hygiene. In which case, we recommend sealing the coworker up in the suit, and liberally apply duct tape. These suits are expired and are not suitable (heh) for actual hazmat use without recertification, which we don’t do. They are new in box, new in wrapper, and hermetically sealed. Until the week we bought them, the boxes were even in perfect condition. We got caught in a thunderstorm without them tarped, so the boxes have a little water damage. Suits are just fine.

Grab your Demilitarization Protective Ensemble (DPE) today and stride into the chaos with confidence, style, and just a hint of “what is that guy up to?” mystery! Supplies are limited—because even surplus runs out eventually.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demilitarization_Protective_Ensemble

Demilitarization Protective Ensemble (DPE Suits)